Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again
by Saishi
Summary: Songfic. Relena thinks back on recent events and comes to a decision about her future.


Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again  
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---You were once my one companion  
You were all that mattered  
You were once a friend and father  
Then my world was shattered---  
  
  
If I'd only known... maybe I could have done something. How naive could I be?? To this day, I know that some part of me never trusted her, yet I wanted to, for the sake of peace. Just as you taught me. That was what you fought for, wasn't it? That's what you died for. I like to think that, and pray that someday we can make your dream a reality. I'm going to try, father. That much I promise you.  
  
  
---Wishing you were somehow here again  
Wishing you were somehow near  
Sometimes it seemed, if I just dreamed  
Somehow you would be here---  
  
  
When you spoke to me... and told me of my past, I didn't want to believe it. In a way, I still don't. You are the only father I've known, regardless of my true name. The one who sired me is long since dead. I don't know his face, his voice... not like I know yours. If I listen, I can still hear your heartbeat beneath my cheek, the way it sounded when I found you... the way it sounded when I tried to protect you from those men. I don't care what faction they represented, they were just as guilty as the one who caused this. They could have helped, father! Couldn't they?  
  
  
---Wishing I could hear your voice again  
Knowing that I never would  
Dreaming of you won't help me to do  
All that you dreamed I could---  
  
  
As the shuttle begins to pass through the atmosphere, I close my eyes, remembering the last time I made this journey. You were here with me then, and I had thought you always would be. Nothing could happen to you, not like this. I remember the craft we saw, and the fight that ensued. I remember your eyes, closed in shame. Shame that it had come to blows between earth and the colonies, no matter how 'unofficial' it was. We knew even then that it was no 'meteor' that was falling to earth, we saw it too clearly. I remember him too, father. The one who piloted that craft. He seemed so cold to me then, but now I think I understand him just a bit better. One can be cold when there is nothing left to light a smile in their heart.  
  
  
---Passing bells and sculpted angels  
Cold and monumental  
Seem for you the wrong companions  
You were warm and gentle---  
  
  
Where did they bury you, father? Are you buried at all? The thought of you in space still sends shivers up my spine. I only hope that they gave you in death, the respect you deserved in life. I saw her when I reached Earth, father. She was on the news, stating that it was a terrorist attack. If they only knew that the terrorist was the one on the screen. There has to be a way to bring her to justice, and I'll find it. That much, I swear to you. As I pass through the gates, the reporters are already barking at the heels of the newest 'scoop'. How dare they!? Don't they understand what you meant to me... to us? Mother wears black... and tries to tell me what I already know. I can't believe that yet, please forgive me.   
  
  
---Too many years fighting back tears  
Why can't the past just die?---  
  
  
As I make my way up the steps, I find it hard to keep from turning around and running back to the safety of mother's arms. This is the most difficult thing I'll ever do, father. I keep telling myself that I'm doing it for you, but I know that's not true. I don't think even you would want me to go this far. I'm doing this for myself. I want her to pay for what she did to you and the others. Mostly you, though... I don't think she realizes that you were more than just a man standing in OZ's way. You and mother were the only people who understood me. If I'd known that my brithday party would be one of the last times I'd see you, I'd have done more to make sure you knew how much I loved you. Now here I am, making my way to another party... but this time it's not for fun. It's for revenge.  
  
  
---Wishing you were somehow here again  
Knowing we must say goodbye  
Try to forgive, teach me to live  
Give me the strength to try!---  
  
  
I see her approaching long before she even notices me. As our eyes meet, I can sense a faint hint of fear there, but it vanishes just as quickly. If only I could do that as well. I'm frightened, father... moreso than I've ever been in my life. If I fail, I'll see you again far sooner than either of us thought. If I succeed, the result may be the same. I don't care anymore... not after seeing the light in your eyes die. The rose pinned to her breast attracts my attention moreso than anything else. She doesn't deserve to wear such a symbol of purity... she doesn't deserve to live. If I could trade your life for hers, or even my own, I would do so in an instant. But it doesn't matter anymore. She's seen me, and knows who I am. Somehow I manage to keep my voice steady as she addresses me, but only for a few moments. That's all I need. The look of shock on her face is more than enough to make a slight smile cross my face as I bring up my weapon.  
  
  
---No more memories, no more silent tears  
No more gazing across the wasted years  
Help me say goodbye...---  
  
  
My only thought as the trigger is pulled... I love you, father.  
  
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~Owari 


End file.
